Another 4 pounds GONE - 1st goal MET

Monday, August 16, 2010
I feel so empowered. Not only have I met my first target goal, but now I am at the weight I claimed to be for my ID card. I felt so guilty lying about my weight but I kept telling myself, it's only ten pounds - plus, my real weight seemed like such a big number. Then it hit me. That IS my weight. I am that number. I started tracking points with a vengeance.

I changed from wanting to lose weight so I could look better to needing to lose weight so I could live better. I am looking forward to enjoying the following:

- Shopping for clothes outside of the plus size section without thinking, "I wonder if this might fit."
- Reorganizing my closet so everything in it actually fits (no fat clothes section, no "when I lose weight" section...) Goodwill is going to get a lot of clothes!
- Enjoying a potluck luncheon at work without thinking that my coworkers are analyzing the food on my plate
- I want to JOIN A GYM! I still feel embarrassed about exercising in public. The thought of being the fat flabby one in the gym is too much for me to take (just typing this is making my insides squirm and my hands shake)
- This is going to sound silly, but I want to wear spandex.
- I want to go up flights of stairs without feeling my heart & lungs complain

There are so many things I am looking forward to enjoying. On my bucket list, I have "finish a marathon." In my class of eighth graders, this is usually fodder for giggles. I have to admit, I am rather sardonic when I admit this in class. But I still want to do it. I don't care about how long it takes me, I just want to be physically capable of completing it. And you know, I want to be able to admit this desire without having anyone scoff at it like it is ludicrous (including myself).

Ten pounds. I have lost TEN POUNDS. I am not hungry. When I crave a food from my "pre-Weight Watchers" existence, I find a substitute. And my cravings have been sated. I am not spending my time thinking back to when I was thin. I am spending more time PLANNING the time for when I am healthy again! I might break down and try walking in my neighborhood (yes, in public, in broad daylight - I must be crazy.)